” He nodded, “I made it 34,” then he pointed to his knee she knew the form; she knelt and then lay over his lap. “34 minutes late that`s 34 blows.” She felt very relieved when his hand descended, he had been know to use his came to good effect and 34 punishment strokes would have somewhat made sitting at work on Monday a chore. Her mind became focused as his sharp command to “COUNT” rang round the big kitchen. And count she did, clearly at first after each ringing slap, her arse becoming red, warm and more painful and with each resounding splat her voice lost its ring. By 20 she was beginning to falter, at 25 small tears formed, “Thirty,” gasp “thirty one, thirty two,” would they never stop, “thirty three,” then a pause before the final heavier last slap, “thirty four thank you sir,” Red faced she stood as he lectured her on respect and lateness, then set her to putting nibbles and crisps out, she knew then the afternoon would be both humiliating and long as he was expecting. Puffing on a joint might have drawn unwanted attention too. But hindsight’s twenty-twenty, and I never went anywhere without a reefer back in the day. Come to think of it, not a lot’s changed in that respect. It took about two minutes for Mrs Parslow to clock me from the relative horizons of her patio, and another two before her husband had unceremoniously dragged me out from behind the Pieris Japonica. I’d been too busy watching his pasty white posterior jiggling back and forth as he clutched his mower to notice I’d been rumbled. It wasn’t at all elegant, in fact, there was something of a kerfuffle. ‘I say, you there. What on earth do you think you’re playing at?' ‘Who, me?’ ‘Well of course I mean you, or are there more of you in there?’ I shook my head. All I could see as I peered through the bushes was the silhouette of a life-sized Pepperami leering menacingly into the foliage with its huge phallus swinging back and forth in the glorious summer sun. ‘The bloody impertinence! I’ve.
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